something or other

My blog is dying. Or i think it may have already died. So long, fellow bloggers

posted by Megz @ 1:25 PM 12 comments

This is my life

I haven't blogged for ages because well, school's back and I couldn't be bothered to.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching and finding my 'identity' cuz I kinda lost myself a while ago and I'm trying to get me back again. I can't really explain it, I guess it's just one of those teenage things that you have to face in your life. But at least I'm looking and not relying on other people to dictate who I am and what I feel.

I found the perfect website the other day. It's the Whitehouse Design Institute and ...ah it's just so great. All I have to do is get a job (who knows where) and save up for a workshop or short course! I'm so happy :) la la la

Meh, on the homefront, life is as usual. I was astonished to find that my mom made meatloaf for dinner on Sunday - how American. I also finished my prac for textiles today. must say that my skirt and top look pretty darn good and fit me perfectly. I need a haircut. my ponytail keeps getting stuck in the back of my awful schooldress collar. when i'm a famous fashion designer, i'll make sure i don't forget the poor Brigidines who have to suffer in their outdated sack dresses. i'll even fund the operation myself if i have to...

On the God side of things, I'm encouraged, but two of my friends don't even believe in God (they seem to think He's only for very young or old people who become nuns or something) Briony tried to tell our group today that we're lacking in morals/ethics and she got bom.barded with stuff like "the world is full of bitches. you have to be one to survive" and "get over it Briony! there is no God!". At least she knows I'm with her on the topic, but what am i gonna do when she leaves at the end of the year and i'm stuck with a group of unethical slluts?

posted by Megz @ 6:40 PM 6 comments

When I came here to right my blog, I felt like complaining. But then I was like...um... what should I complain about?
I was reading yesterday and halfway through a random sentence, I just closed my eyes and started thanking God that I was so priveleged to have books, eyes to see, and that I know how to read. I prayed for the people who have so few luxuries in their lives, yet still have it in them to be happy.
Some people in this modern-day are going back to the basics and falling behind with the fast-paced lifestyle. They prefer to live in simply furnished houses, with little or no electricity or even running water. I wonder how I'd like living in that way. Imagine just having so much time because you don't feel pressured to overload yourself with too much information. You could appreciate the natural beauty of the world that God created for us. There'd be more time for prayer, worship, for reading the Bible. And if you got bored - there'd be no computer or TV - so you could learn something new and broaden your skills.
Yeah, I think I'd like that a lot in fact...

posted by Megz @ 9:44 AM 0 comments

Thriller

Ah, that last post was just a tad lame.
I saw Suddenly 30 with Cath today. Really good but I wasn't too sure about Jennifer Garner's acting abilities. It just goes to show how even one bad choice in your life can just lead on to worse things and change your complete mindset (the movie, not Jennifer Garner's acting, just to clear things up)
Yay friday. I didn't even notice.
I've still gotta read my English book before term starts. Meh, maybe I should try and find it now.

posted by Megz @ 3:51 PM 2 comments

Turramurra Dreaming

The leaves on the ground were brown,
and the sky was grey.
I went for a walk
on a spring day
And got lost
and then I found my way
back home
along Pacific Highway.
Turramurra dreaming,
on such a [insert word here] day

Yep, I decided to get some exercise and ended up taking the road less travelled, while trying to puff my way up the hills and stop my legs from shaking on the downhills.
But other than that, I'm glad I got some fresh air and got those muscles working. I hadn't been out of the house for 3 days.

Hmmm yeah. That's all I got to say. And to those certain people out there who are boycotting the powerful world of Blogging (well, just getting sick of it anyway), look what you're missing out on...

posted by Megz @ 6:03 PM 0 comments

People - this is what I was trying to say...

i don't even know if anyone reads my blogs these days, but I though i would type this out anyway...because i need the practise.

People are just the most complicated, intricate designs. So many emotions, thoughts, hopes, faiths languages, ways of expressing themselves. So many days to live, so little done in that time. Always wondering about what they’re worth, if other people care, what other people are thinking, when the time is right. So many passions in life. No two people are the same – that special connection is made when there is an understanding of those emotions, thoughts, ways of expression. Being empathetic, rather than sympathetic. Sharing in the pain.

One of the best moments in my life was a time when I felt great pain. Pain for someone else.
It happened at soul survivor when I went up the front and the holy spirit came and filled me. I felt pain for that ‘one person’, another Christian who I could now see into deeply and actually experience what they were going through, their immense sense of hopelessness. The thing is, God hasn’t revealed that person to me yet – and I can only remember what I felt by reading what I wrote down that night.
The other time was feeling pain for a group of people in general. The poor.
I used to cry at night when I was a little because I felt the injustice of the poor people. Growing up in south Africa, I was always exposed to their stories and just seeing the pain and humiliation in their eyes as they begged at the traffic lights of every intersection – one baby tied to their back and two more either begging as well or sitting helplessly at the side of the road.
Those experiences of pain were horrible at the time, but it was like stepping into someone’s life – and I realised the true meaning of hope.


People are friends, families, lovers, workers, dreamers, explorers, thinkers, creators.

People need love. They can’t live without it and when they try to, they end up as selfish and soulless. When they are deprived of love, they feel lonely, worthless, ugly, sad, depressed, angry, unwanted, hopeless.

People need reasons. They all need a purpose and a point to life. They care about the WHY? Questions the most. The questions that are the hardest to answer. They look in the wrong places for the answers. Some don’t even ask the questions because they are afraid of the answers or don’t want to be arded with different answers.

People crave knowledge. There’s always some new useless tidbit of information to store away into a tiny compartment in their brains labelled “I might need this someday…”

People change. Some want to be different from everyone else. Some want to go with the flow or live structured ‘normal’ lives. Some just want the happy medium. Why do we have to want? If we didn’t want anything, we’d never have a reason to change. But sometimes we’re forced to change. Circumstances change and we often can’t change the circumstances so we have to change ourselves instead.

Languages are one of my passions. Like a family tree all connected up and branching off. Words can be so full of meaning, so descriptive, so image-full and they can be empty and meaningless.
‘Normal’ is a word that I really wish didn’t exist. It’s like ‘perfect’ – it all depends on your perspective and your attitudes. The reason I don’t like ‘normal’ is that people who are calling themselves ‘normal’ are implying that they are the majority, the rulers, the better people. If everyone was ‘normal’ they would be “conforming, adhering to, or constituting a usual or typical pattern, standard, level or type” (from the dictionary) I suppose you could say there are ‘normal’ people in every different type of race, religion, language, ethnicity etc.

people express themselves in so many ways. Creatively, through singing, writing, dancing, painting, sculpting. They speak, use sign language, send letters, emails, faxes, smses, talk on msn. In order to understand what someone is trying to express, you have to know them, and how can you know them if you don’t understand them?
Silence is an expression too. It works when people can ‘feel’ what another person is thinking/feeling/going through. When they just…know.

People can hurt other people when they don’t communicate with them. Ignorance can be worse than insulting, harsh words. If people don’t even make the effort, it gives the message that they just don’t care. They don’t love people just as they are.

I though I’d found a soul mate or at least a best friend. Someone who knew what I was feeling and would support me all the way. We hardly ever speak to each other anymore and all relationships need communication if they’re going to work.
Maybe my true soul mate or even just best friend, is staring me in the face and I don’t even know it. But there’s always something deeper than friendship. Maybe I’m sick of just friends. Maybe I want something more, something deeper that is never fake. Love. Last time I wanted it, it turned out all wrong. Everything that I had believed in had flown out the door when that new person entered my life, someone I thought I loved, but really knew that I didn’t love.

A lot of these things about people are the things that love to buzz around my head at night when I’m trying to sleep. I wish I could just turn my brain off because while these thoughts challenge me to dig deeper, I still miss out on valuable recharge time and then my brain doesn’t work in the daylight hours. And my heart isn’t fully into things.

My dreams are my escape.
“Seams bind things together. There are invisible seams between people. Our dreams use our waking thoughts to stitch our memories to us.” Secrets in the Fire.

posted by Megz @ 1:25 PM 2 comments

just blah

If you ever want to read a good book, read one that's by Sharon Creech. I've only read three of them, Walk Two Moons, Chasing Redbird and Bloomability, but they're all really great.

I just read Bloomability for the second time and it reminded me a lot of myself. The gurl in the story moves to a new country with people she hardly knows and it's interesting to see the way she adapts.

Blah, that's just my mood right now. I wish I could have gone out with friends today, but I'm a prisoner in my own house (not to mention my own head)

I think too much. It doesn't normally stop me from doing things, but my brain gets overloaded and I can't sleep at night. I used to think of myself as an insomniac, but that is a bit of an exaggeration. Five days left of the holidays and I really can't say I've achieved much. Except for realising that I utterly h8 being a teenager and I can't wait to grow up and be free of all the teenage problems.

Hmmm...what can I do in my five days that is significant? Exercise? Probably should do some of that. Go someplace with friends? Well, yeah probably on saturday. Read my English book for next term? If I can find where it's buried in my cupboard. Clean my room? NO! cuz HA I've already done that!!!!

posted by Megz @ 3:49 PM 0 comments

People.......or not!!!!!!!!!!!

well then stupid blogger, just delete all my work,i dont care!!!!!!!

i just spent like half an hour typing that and 'poof' it disappears

maybe i'll feel energetic ebough to rewrite it tomorrow
ARRRGGGHHHH

posted by Megz @ 10:13 PM 0 comments

Egypthianth were pthycoeth

(Egyptians were psychoes)
Cath and I were on a high for the whole day today. You know, singing random songs in opera voices, doing the actions to songs in the car and tripping all over the place in the mall. Many personal jokes were made up today.
I got out of tidying my room this morning... by doing it the night before. Cleaning my room always seems easier and takes less time if I do it really late at night (it's just tough luck that my parents' room is next door and all they can hear is me, crashing around). It's amazing all the things I found which I thought were lost forever..
I drew the plan of the house my parents went to 'view' today. Glad I decided not to become an architect a while ago, cuz it took me ages. And my hands are all shakey so it was even worse than it could have been. Must be a sugar low.
*sigh* I'm hungry

posted by Megz @ 7:01 PM 1 comments